Arranging the Coping Circle – ‘How To’

Most of us have a strong desire for community and it’s a natural feeling to want to have community with those closest to us when we have experienced, or are going through a traumatic event. What if our needs aren’t being met by those close to us? What if the people that are closest to us or have known us the longest aren’t pulling through and we’re left feeling as though we’re fighting for attention?

The important thing to understand is that the people that are closest to you that have also experienced, or witnessed the trauma might not be available to help you heal your wounds. This is especially true if the trauma is a new experience (nothing like this has ever happened to them before). It can take a significant amount of time for each individual to work out their feelings, thoughts and emotions before they feel 100% healthy, happy and ready to move forward with the relationship between the both of you again.

It shouldn’t be a feeling of worry to let people that are close to you work out their own thoughts regarding trauma. If you know that’s what they’re doing, then that is what is best for them and you should try to seek support elsewhere to get your needs met. Counseling, or support groups are a good option. People that are not emotionally connected to traumatic events, and are not dealing with stress themselves, will have an easier time being supportive to you and offering you time to help you sort out your feelings.

With any difficult life experience there are often strong emotions that follow. Sometimes emotions can be sporadic and unpredictable. This could be a reaction to the brain trying to adjust post-trauma. Exercise can help level the unpredictability of feeling overwhelmed or the extra level of stress that can set in.

The most difficult part of dealing with any type of difficult/traumatic event is the amount of time that needs to pass to feel that everything is 'right' again. Sometimes, the time is known and more often it is not known. The most important thing you can do is stay as healthy as possible and choose a good routine that helps you to heal and this includes carefully choosing who is helping you in your healing process.

*Remember, those around you might be trying to deal with their own coping process. Let them and give them the room to recover, however long that might take. If everyone does their best to work through it chances are you will meet on the other side of the lake of recovery eventually. Keep your head up. Have hope. Be patient with yourself and with others. This is life.